By the way
by LiisuT
Summary: They met at a club, and for breakfast they had pancakes... where do you go from there? Axel&Roxas...yaoi...
1. Chapter 1

His hands burned Roxas' skin, when they explored his slim body. His own fingers tore the redheads black shirt, to peel it off faster. Roxas shivered when he felt wet lips kissing his jar line- closer and closer to his own impatient lips. When their mouths joined again in a bruising kiss, Roxas felt that his back hit the wall. He hadn't even noticed that they had been moving.

Everything had started when their eyes had locked. Axel singing on the stage, Roxas in the crowd. Even then could Roxas feel the mysterious and undeniable attraction between them. When the song ended and the redhead's band got off the stage, Roxas couldn't take his eyes off the singer. Luckily for him, the redhead couldn't do the same.

Though... now it was hard for him to keep his eyes open. Skilled hands roamed over his body leaving behind hot trails. For a moment the tall singer just held the blond boy and whispered onto his lips: „The name's Axel. Got it memorized?"

‚_Axel, Axel, Axel...' _His name was now the only thing he could think about. But all his thoughts disappeared when Axel's tongue invaded his mouth. God, that man could do wonders with that strong muscle of his. Roxas' hands flew to his messy red hair, which he found surprisingly silky. At first Roxas tried to stop the moans that were coming up his throat, but when Axel's right hand slide on the back of the pants and then in them...

"Hnn..." All the control was lost. Axel shoved him more onto the wall and raised Roxas legs, to hook them around his hips. Roxas hold desperately Axel's face, when their kiss got even more passionate. Their teeth clicked, tongues rubbed, lips touched- Roxas was afraid that he just might die from the pleasure. But he really didn't want to die so young, now when he finally had discovered the most thrilling part of life.

Roxas yelped when Axel's one hand tried to hold him up and the other one unbuttoned his jeans. He shivered in anticipation, when he heard the zipper sliding open.

Suddenly the reality crashed on him. He was in a dark alley, kissing some stranger and was about to be pounded in a wall. This was definitely not the way he had toughed his first time would be. Oh, and with a BOY. He actually _hadn't_ realized that he was with a fucking GUY?!?

Axel had noticed the sudden mood change and stopped. He lowered his head on the smaller one's shoulder and sighed: „What's wrong?"

‚_This is my first time?'_

‚_We are in a freaking alley?'_

‚_I'm scared like hell?'_

Finally he chose the second statement and whispered: „Not here."

Axel lingered for a moment before he removed his head from the crook of Roxas's neck and helped him on his feet. They awkwardly stood facing each other for a while, before Roxas started correcting his clothing.

Axel licked his lips and asked: „My place?" The possibility of not continuing their actions didn't come to his mind even for a second, though Roxas had some doubts.

Roxas was about to open his mouth and tell the redhead about his hesitations, but when he rose his head, looked into those mesmerizing emerald green eyes, he finally made up his mind: „Yeah." Axel smiled and started walking out of the dark ally, under the yellow streetlamps.

„Ya coming?" Alex looked back and pointed on his ride. Roxas laughed when he saw the black and red motorbike.

„Wow... It's amazing." Roxas walked over to the ride and watched it in awe.

„My baby," Axel smiled, sat on the bike and patted on the seat, inviting Roxas to sit behind him, „worked my ass off to buy it." He gave Roxas a helmet, and took one to himself also. "But now, hold on!" Axel started the engine and Roxas put his hands around Axel's waist. Now their closeness didn't feel weird or out of place.

Roxas closed his eyes and felt the wind in his hair. He rested his cheek on Axel's warm back and thought about his situation. His friends probably were looking for him, or... perhaps they saw him leaving the club with a hot guy. Oh crap, his friends didn't even know he was gay. Wait! He himself didn't know if he was gay.

But, it didn't matter anymore. He was on a cool motorbike, holding on to a sexy redhead and heading to his place to... Okay, Roxas stopped his thoughts there, he didn't want to think what was going to happen, because he was afraid he might back down.

Roxas opened his eyes only to close them again and grab a hold of Axel more tightly. Everything was moving past so fast. ‚Maybe even too fast?? How fast are we really going? I don't wanna die-e-e' thought Roxas and clenched onto Axel.

***

„Hey, cutie! We're here."

Roxas opened his eyes and let Axel escape from his tight grip. They had arrived on a parking lot next to a small apartment building, which surprisingly had a grandma-friendly appearance. Roxas wasn't sure, what he had expected, but definitely not this. Almost in front of all the windows were bright coloured curtains and flowers. This definitely didn't look like Axel.

But… he didn't actually know Axel, didn't he?

***

_A.… this is my first fanfiction which I have written in English and my first Axel&Roxas story, so please write helpful comments so I could improve._

_Yours sincerely_

_ Liisu_


	2. Chapter 2

"And this one is mine. Number 21," Axel smiled and unlocked the door. He let Roxas in first and then followed. He closed and locked the door, but Roxas was too engaged in examining the flat, to notice. From what he could see it had two rooms excluding the kitchen, bathroom and the toilet. Roxas took off his shoes and without wasting a second, he walked into the living room. He flicked the lights on, and smiled when he saw beer cans next to the coffee table and that the whole room was a little bit messy. Yeah, this is more like Axel.

"You like it?" whispered Axel into Roxas' ear.

Roxas closed his eyes, when the hot breath touched his skin. He damned himself, when his heart started to beat faster, his knees threatened to fail him and his skin trembled in anticipation. He still stood there eyes closed, when he suddenly felt Axel's lips on his. The kiss was gentle and soft, and left Roxas craving for more.

"Wanna see my bedroom?" asked Axel in a seductive voice against his lips.

"I thought you'll never ask," murmured Roxas. Axel only laughed softly and took his arm, to guide him into the hall, turning off the lights.

They walked through the dark and quiet apartment, only their breathing filling the silence. Axel opened a door and they stepped into the bedroom. They stopped next to the large bed and looked at each other. Suddenly, neither of them knew what to do. This situation was so much different from the lets-make-out-behind-the-club part.

Axel's green eyes started to look troubled, he wasn't so sure anymore, if they should do this…

But Roxas felt the determination growing in him, so he swallowed and breathed slowly out, before taking a hold of Axel's neck and bringing it before his own face. This was the first time Roxas initiated a kiss, but this was right… somehow he was sure about it. He closed his eyes and whispered:

"By the way…I'm Roxas."

When Roxas lips touched Axel's, the lust and passion, what they had felt before came back, burning their bodies and minds. Axel deepened the kiss and searched hungrily Roxas' mouth. The redhead felt him shiver from his touch and he moved the boy onto his bed. Roxas' mind barely registered the movement; he just wanted Axel to kiss him, to touch him, to want him.

"Roxas," mumbled Axel, "that's a weird name."

Roxas smiled: "Is Axel better?"

Axel removed Roxas' shirt and threw it on the floor. "Actually no… I think," Axel placed butterfly kisses on the boy's chest, "that, I like Roxas more."

Even though Roxas trembled from his touch, he thought for a moment and stated: "That's good to know." When Axel looked at him with a bewildered look he smiled and added: "I was scared you might get cocky, when I say I like Axel better."

Axel rolled his eyes and pressed his lips onto Roxas'. Axel's hands slid down to Roxas' waistband and unzipped the zipper; the blond boy opened his lips, to let the other one to continue his exploration in his mouth.

Roxas wasn't quite sure, what to do… it _was_ his first time; but after a while, he let his hands wander on the lean body. His hands caressed the redhead's slightly muscular chest and back.

Axel's hands slowly removed Roxas' pants and underwear and before the blond boy understood what had happened, Axel's naked body rested on his.

Roxas did not know that he could possibly feel that way. His body was exited, his heart thumped in a speed, he didn't know existed and his mind had completely surrendered to the starry night. Tonight they won't leave any regrets.

***

The sunshine peeked through the red curtains and warmed up the room. Roxas heard a bird singing behind the window and some old ladies talked loudly outside. He just wanted to enjoy that moment, but his intentions were crushed, when he felt, that his pillow was moving, oh, and if that wasn't enough, he understood that his fingers were enlaced with someone else's. He slowly opened his eyes and raised his head, to look who exactly is under him. He looked right into the eyes of green, which had been observing him.

"Good morning," said Axel with a husky voice.

Roxas face turned red, when he realized, that he found that voice extremely sexy. He turned away his head and rolled onto his back answering: "G'morning."

The following silence was just like in movies, when you can hear the grasshoppers chirp, but Roxas only heard his own heart thumping so loudly, that he was sure, that even the old aunties outside could hear it.

'God, this is so awkward,' thought Roxas, when nether of them said anything else, they still laid there in the silence; he was sure, that it had lasted at least five minutes. His thoughts started to wonder… _'Axel… on top on him, moving, panting, sweating' _Oh, shit. Roxas felt how blood rushed into his face, but luckily the redhead himself saved him from his thoughts.

"This is so awkward," told Axel to him. Roxas was surprised at his sudden words, but couldn't not agree: "Yeah."

"Hmm… so, you'll take a shower, when I make breakfast?" asked Axel.

Roxas looked at him, but not having an idea how to respond, he just nodded. Axel got off his bed and Roxas face went even redder, when he saw Axel's naked body, but fortunately (_or unfortunately)_ for him, Axel's face was facing the window when he put on his boxers.

"The bathroom is right in the end of the hallway on the left. Feel free to use towels and stuff," Axel smiled, scratched his head and left the room, leaving behind a very astonished Roxas.

"God, he's so hot…" he whispered to himself.

***

Roxas got out of the steamy bathroom and head to the bedroom for his clothes. He froze on his way, when he heard Axel singing in the kitchen. Roxas was still amazed by his voice and he had his heart in his mouth. He recognized the song from yesterday's concert and remembering last night's performance, he smiled and quietly walked towards the kitchen. Axel was flipping a huge pancake in air and he was ready to pour orange juice into two glasses, when he noticed Roxas and stopped singing. He smiled and said: "I hope you like pancakes."

"Love' em" answered Roxas, glad that his voice didn't fail him, after hearing Axel's to-die-for singing-voice.

"That's good. These," he waved his hand towards the pancakes, "gonna be ready any minute, so you…"

"Can get changed," finished Roxas his sentence and smiled. His smile grew even bigger, when Axel started to sing once more.

Roxas went to the bedroom and spend about five minutes on finding his clothes, because last night they didn't really care, where the clothing flew. Finally dressed, he head back to the kitchen, to see that Alex had finished cooking and was waiting for him. They smiled at each other and Roxas sit down at the table.

"So, Roxy, how old are you?" asked the redhead and took a sip of orange juice.

Startled by his question, Roxas almost spit out the juice, but luckily he got a hold of himself and swallowed before answering: "I'm seventeen. You?"

"Twenty."

And the silence followed.

Their eyes met and suddenly they both started laughing.

"God, this really couldn't get more awkward."

Roxas only laughed at that and when his laughter quieted down he smiled and said: "Before yesterday I didn't even know, that… I'm gay." Axel looked bewildered and he continued: "I've… never been in love with a girl, but I haven't been attracted to a boy either… Maybe, because I've never met anyone like you…" Realizing, what he was saying, he closed his mouth before he could embarrass himself ever more.

"Roxas…" the named boy looked up and right into the emerald green eyes, "Last night… I just want you to know, that I usually don't jump in bed with someone I just met… and what I want to say is, that I don't want this to be just a one-night-thing."

Roxas's heart fluttered, he smiled and said: "Me neither."

***

_A. story's summary says: "They met at a club, and for breakfast they had pancakes... where do you go from there?" And you know what… I don't have any idea either, so please-please help me, if you have any ideas._

_So thank you for reading and I hope you'll stay with me._

_Yours truly_

_ Liisu _


	3. Chapter 3

"I guess this is where we part…" said Roxas and look down on his shoes.

Axel just smiled and softly brushed his fingers over his cheek saying: "You have my phone number and I have yours, so we'll definitely meet soon, right?" When Roxas nodded the redhead grinned like a madman and turned to leave: "I'll call you as soon as I can!"

Roxas didn't dare to look up before he was sure that Axel was out of his sight. He still couldn't believe what he had done the night before. He had been enchanted by the sly redhead whom he might never see again. Yes, they had each other's numbers, but if Axel wouldn't call him, Roxas wouldn't have the guts to do it too.

The blond boy sighed and turned around, just to see his friends come out of a coffee shop. Roxas quickly turned around and wished from the bottom of his heart that his friends won't see him. Of course… he never had much luck.

"Roxas!" yelled a dirty-blond headed boy- Hayner- who held a steaming cup in his hand. Roxas gulped and stopped on his way. He really had wished that the next time he would see his friends would be at school on Monday, where he could find an excuse to flee from the answers. But Faith decided to be a bitch that day and Roxas knew he had to think up some reasons and excuses… and fast.

"Where have you been? You just disappeared yesterday and you haven't answered your phone? Did something happen? Did you meet someone?" the questions flew from his friends' mouths.

Roxas sighed deeply and slowly to buy some time, so he could make up a cover story. Before he could open his mouth, he was dragged to the coffee shop, which his friends just had left and he was shoved onto a chair.

"So?" asked a red headed girl.

"Well, Kairi… actually the singer was my summer acquaintance, we started talking and later we went to his place… I slept on his couch," said Roxas with a smile and hoped that his friends would buy it.

"You mean the hot guy with red hair?" Kairi asked.

"Yeah, that sounds like him," laughed Roxas nervously.

A blond girl thought for a moment and said: "But I heard that he went home with a cute blond girl…"

Roxas blushed "_A cute blond GIRL???" _and added: "Y-yeah, she was with us first but she went home soon."

Roxas' friends wanted more information, but he made an excuse of being tired and went quickly home. But Namine, the blond girl, felt like something was out of place in Roxas' story.

***

_Axel shoved his tongue in his mouth and his hands massaged his body in a slow circular pattern. Roxas wrapped his legs around the redhead's hips and pushed upwards. Axel moaned and pushed himself onto Roxas, the friction between their bodies was almost unbearable. Roxas felt Axel's hand moving down… and down… until it reached his jeans, he opened the button and zipper and grabbed…_

Roxas woke when the alarm suddenly started ringing and wished that the dream could continue. Shit, that was the most erotic dream he had ever had and he didn't even get to see the end…

Roxas decided to take this to bathroom.

He felt much better after a shower and he was happily choosing what to wear to school when his cell phone rang.

"Hi Nam," answered Roxas.

"Hi… I'm sorry, but I can't go to school with you today, so don't wait up?"

"Um… okay?"

"Alright, so I have to go, bye!" and she hung up, before Roxas could say anything.

"Yeah…bye," said the blond boy to an empty room.

***

Roxas slowly walked towards school, music blasting in his earphones and thoughts flying in his head, making no sense. So he decided that it's about time to arrange his thoughts and feelings…

He started from the beginning- his childhood- and he realized- Roxas suddenly stopped on the pavement- that he haven't even **liked** a girl… ever. He had always had female friends and he had even called a few of them his girlfriends, but he never really liked them, they were just friends, not like Axel…

Namine, Olette, Kairi… he did love them, but like sisters.

_Axel_…

When Axel entered his mind he felt butterflies in his stomach and shivers ran all over his body. Well, those weren't exactly brotherly feelings, were they?

Roxas sighed sadly and continued his way to school.

For a while had thought that he wasn't capable for romantic feelings and if there weren't Axel… maybe he wouldn't. What was it that made Axel so special, what made Roxas want him so much? He only knew him for what- two days?

'I'm acting stupid. He was just my first… and I'll just forget about him… he probably wouldn't even call. I'll find someone new. A new girl or a… boy, it doesn't matter. I just need to forget him…

Okay, who am I kidding? I can't even stop thinking about him. But I can't fall in love… I can't let him hurt me, but what's more important-

I can't hurt him… I mustn't hurt- must not… anyone… ever again.'

***

"_Have yourself a merry little Christmas,_

_Let your heart be light_

_From now on,_

_our troubles will be out of sight'_

_Roxas smiled shyly to the crowd and looked for his father in the mass of people. His smile faltered when he noticed his dad in the corner with an annoyed look on his face._

"_Have yourself a merry little Christmas,_

_Make the Yule-tide gay,_

_From now on,_

_our troubles will be miles away."_

_He smiled again, but he didn't feel any happiness. It was two days before Christmas, but the only thing he wanted was to escape to his room and hide._

"_Here we are as in olden days,_

_Happy golden days of yore._

_Faithful friends who are dear to us_

_Gather near to us once more."_

_But at the same time, he didn't want to go home… _

"_Through the years _

_We all will be together,_

_If the Fates allow_

_Hang a shining star upon the highest bough._

_And have yourself a merry little Christmas now."_

_He bowed and smiled to the clapping people, he smiled as big as he could, it didn't matter that his cheeks hurt._

_He smiled because he __**had**__ to be happy… so he smiled even bigger. _

***

"Hey, guys." Roxas sat on his seat at the back of the class with a sigh. "Where's Namine?"

"Haven't seen her," said Hayner as he dropped his head on the table. "I hate school…" he murmured and closed his eyes… just as the school bell rang. Hayner groaned and sleepily sat up in his chair.

Roxas started to wander what was keeping Namine, when the blond girl stormed into the classroom and apologized to the teacher.

Roxas was confused, first Namine didn't come to school with him and now she was late. Something weird was going on, and Roxas had every intention of finding out what it was.

But he couldn't do anything at the moment… so he closed his eyes and forgot where he was, as he fell into a dark pit of dreams.

***

_"It' was your fault! She left because of you!"_

_Roxas whimpered at his father's loud voice: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to."_

_Strong hands shook him as he looked at his feet, trying to hide the tears. _

_"It was your fault! Your fault!" and he was pushed away. _

'_No.'_

_It hurt._

'_Please.'_

_Roxas stumbled, fell backwards and piercing pain flashed in his head. 'Please, no.'_

"NO!" yelled Roxas and fell from his chair. There were trails of tears on his cheeks, his eyes looked as they were ready to pop out and he was gasping for air.

The class was filled with silence. And then there were whispering voices everywhere. Roxas felt like a cornered animal, so he did the only thing he could… he ran.

***

_A.N.I guess you noticed that I love to write dreams and flashbacks…I really don't know why. Maybe because it helps to create more drama(YEAH!) and helps the readers and myself understand the characters feelings and actions…_

_This took quite a while to write, not because it's that good, but because I'm lazy. And I'm really sorry for the wait. But here it is and I hope you like it._

_Like usually I don't know what will happen next so I hope you'll help me with that tiny problem._

_I know that Christmas is five days away, but I'm still going to wish you a merry little Christmas (I really love that song)._

_And... That's all I guess. Oh, please note me if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes, some of them always goes unnoticed._

_Yours sincerely_

_Liisu_

_Edit: I changed the first and second part a little, but that didn't made that much of a difference, just made myself feel better about this whole story... just thought you should know._


	4. Chapter 4

**Ch.4**

Roxas stood silently in an empty music class. He's face didn't show any emotions, but in the inside he was burning, everything was suddenly in pieces. He had forgotten… his mind didn't want to remember that time, when he lived with his father. He really didn't want to… but now he did, and it changed everything.

Roxas felt like throwing up, when he thought back to his childhood. Something must have happened, what made his father loathe him so much… and hurt her mother so much that she… she had… left? Roxas didn't remember, but he knew it was because of him. His father did tell him so… why would he lie? There was no reason for it… So Roxas was… he was a bad person.

Roxas squeezed his eyes shut, to prevent any tears. He can't cry, real men don't cry. That's what his father always said, when he had broken down and his eyes had flooded with tears. He was so weak and pathetic… he was horrible, he didn't have a right to live, and he was a bad person, the worst son anyone could ever have… he was a burden to everyone near him.

Yes, Roxas now remembered partly what his father had told him and he had been right, he was always right.

Suddenly Roxas' thoughts were interrupted by someone stepping into the room. The steps came closer until they stopped right next to him. He knew who had came, he already knew his steps, so he didn't bother to look at the person beside him. A comforting arm was laid on his shoulders and he felt better…

"Sora…" whispered Roxas thankfully.

Sora squeezed his shoulder in a silent answer.

So they stood there, in the middle of the room full of music instruments, when in one's heart rang a melody full of pain, hurt and anger, which once had been forgotten and the other one tried to suffocate the horrible noises, knowing he wouldn't succeed.

***

"I'm sorry that you had to skip a class because of me," said Roxas silently when they were side by side walking home.

Hayner had waited for him with Riku, who was waiting Sora, and even had brought his bag from the classroom, but Sora had decided, that it would be better, if Roxas and he went home alone. Both boys had understood and left by themselves, but it was clear, that everyone was worried… and Roxas wasn't exactly pleased. It meant that they would want answers… answers he didn't know himself.

"It's okay; I don't like chemistry anyway…" Sora smiled.

Roxas eyed him disbelievingly.

"Fine! I love chemistry but I love you more. Happy?"

Roxas snorted and gave him a half-smile. The scarf around his neck flapped in the wind, doing everything else but protecting him from the cold winter.

He had always loved Sora dearly. Sora was his cousin, more precisely his uncle's son, and they had always been there for each other. Roxas had lived in the country for his first 11 years of life. Then he had to move in town so he could go to a proper school and like that he had ended up by his father's brother's and his wife's house.

Roxas knew that something must had happened between him and his father, that made him send Roxas away, but now his mind was blocking it… he didn't have a clue what had happened, but he remembered when he had arrived at the Leonhart's household… he had been lifeless, emotionless… he didn't talk, he only ate when forced and almost every night he woke up screaming… After about four months he started to warm up to Squall, Rinoa and Sora, but it was always Sora who held him when he was too scared to close his eyes at night and who'd make goofy faces at him at breakfast so he would forget the dreams that made his hands tremble and voice quiver.

When Sora's mother Rinoa left them was Roxas' turn to comfort Sora and Squall… but after that you really shouldn't call him Squall anymore… since then he prefers Leon.

After that, it had been Roxas job to cook, clean and take care of his new family, but Roxas hadn't mind, it had been his turn to share and spread the little love he had left in his heart.

"Sora…can I ask you something?" asked Roxas cautiously.

"Sure!" smiled Sora.

"Do you know… what happened with me… and my dad, before I left…?"

Sora stopped and looked at Roxas with shocked eyes and he started slowly:"Do you mean… b-before you came to live with us?"

"Yeah…" Roxas chewed on his lower lip nervously.

"I-I… I d-don't know… You mean… you d-don't remember?" stuttered Sora.

Roxas breathed deeply and he tried to ignore the growing pain inside his chest. "No, I don't remember anything."

Pain only grew when he looked at the brunette boy before him, who looked like he was about to cry.

"I-I'm so sorry…" whispered Sora and he lowered his head.

Roxas stepped closer to the boy and wrapped his hands around him. "That isn't anything you should be sorry about." Roxas tightened his hold and added in his mind: 'I'm the one who should be sorry...'

Roxas smiled sadly and removed his hands from Sora's waist. "Let's go home," he said and took Sora's gloved hand. Sora finally looked into Roxas' eyes and even though there was sorrow in those deep blue eyes… now hope had taken over for the most part, and that was enough for now.

***

Roxas sat in his chair and watched his cell phone, hoping it would ring. He knew that he shouldn't hope for any progress with Axel that soon, but he couldn't help himself. He longed to see his emerald eyes holding a soft smile and to be between his arms again.

At the same time he knew that he shouldn't. No, he really shouldn't long for him... ahh, but he already accepted the fact that he couldn't control his feelings and thoughts.

He **was** gay, for fucks sake.

So he sat and hoped that his phone would ring… and to waste some time he finished his homework and ate an old lollipop, which he discovered in his drawer… and tried to convince himself that he actually wasn't waiting and hoping.

When he realized that he had been sitting there for four hours, he dropped his head onto the desk, gritted his teeth and got up with a determined look on his face.

This had to stop.

He had to do something productive.

So he decided to go downstairs and watch TV.

***

Roxas was heading to the livingroom, when he heard somebody making terrible noise in the kitchen. He peeked into the room and wasn't surprised to see Leon, who was **trying** to make dinner.

Roxas chuckled and walked next to the man deciding that helping Leon was more productive than watching TV.

And Sora would be happy too. He was tired of his father's lousy cooking…

"You OK?" asked Leon with a gentle smile on his face. Of course Sora had already told him that he had a nightmare in the middle of the class. Roxas didn't mind, he liked the fact that he could trust Leon fully and he knew that he wouldn't judge him. Which reminded Roxas that he still hadn't told Leon, or anyone else for that matter, that he liked guys instead of girls. But he decided to wait for a right moment… 'Like that would ever come,' he thought bitterly.

"Yeah," said Roxas almost truthfully. He was alright now, but he was scared that… at night a certain somebody from the past would visit him in his dreams, just like earlier that day.

He didn't want to live through this again.

He wasn't afraid of the pain himself… but he was horrified of the thought that he would hurt Sora and Leon… and his friends… and Axel.

He just wanted them to be happy.

But the night was still hours away and he didn't need to worry now. So he smiled and cursed himself for being such a complicated person with a complex past.

But he still had hope.

He couldn't help but to hope. And for once he was glad that he couldn't change his feelings. He was ready to give hope a chance.

***

_A. so the drama continues._

_I hope that... at least something makes sense in this chapter, but if you're confused by something or there are some mistakes (especially if the story is illogical), you're welcome to contact me (please do)._

_I'm sorry that it took so long for me to write it... my Estonian teacher is... well I hate him right now so... yeah..._

_And yes, still no Axel. I hope he'll be in the next chappy._

_And to clarify some things... right now, the story takes place in winter so that means- Christmas(YAY!)... and New Year... I LIKE HOLIDAYS, SO WHAT?!?_

_Well, now when I done shouting out my love for the holidays, I guess it's my time to stop writing and say good night._

_Or day._

_Or morning._

_When I start writing I can't stop..._

_Yours truthfully_

_Liisu_


	5. Chapter 5

**Ch.5**

Roxas was sitting quietly at his desk and waiting for the class to start. He had a hard time keeping his eyes open and after a long time of struggling, (actually after about two minutes,) he lowered his head on the wooden desk and closed his eyes. He was so tired.

He had been so scared to fall asleep last night that he had read until four in the morning and then he had stared at the ceiling 'til five. And after the moment he had closed his eyes… the alarm started to ring.

He slowly opened his eyes. So now Roxas was tired and unsure if the nightmares were back… and like that wasn't enough, he saw Hayner walking towards him.

Roxas had been so grateful to his friends when they first behaved like nothing had happened the day before, but it was obvious that they treated him differently. They kept their distance and on many occasions Roxas saw them whispering and then looking at him with worried looks on their faces.

Roxas didn't want pity. Now he just wanted to be alone…

"Roxy-darling, I have some fantastic news," said Hayner with a huge grin on his face, when he reached Roxas.

Roxas sighed, eyed Hayner doubtingly and frowned. He wondered, why he's life was so unfair.

"Remember I told you about the possible Christmas party at Tidus's place?"

Roxas nodded. Tidus was one of the popular guys in their grade and if he hosted a party… let's say that if you wanted to have fun- real fun- or to be **some**body then you had to be there. But the trick was that it wasn't that easy to get invited to his place. So… the fact that Hayner was bringing this up…

Roxas eyes widened: 'No way!'

Hayner smirked and claimed: "Yes, thank the god before you. Thanks to me all of us are invited."

Roxas beamed with happiness. This was exactly what he needed. He stumbled up from his chair, threw his hands around Hayner and squeezed him. "Thank you so much!"

Hayner awkwardly patted his back and smiled genuinely at his euphoria. "I'm glad you're happy."

Roxas removed his hands, brought them together and to his chin. "How could I not be?"

Hayner laughed at his expression and hands. "So it's on the next weekend. And Nam told me that her friend could give us a lift to Tidus's place… do you know who's she talking about? I didn't know that she had friends who have a car… or who have driver's license."*

"Hayner… I believe that she's allowed to have friends apart from us and no, I have no idea who could be her mystery driver." So nobody knew what Namine was hiding.

No-no… wasn't he a little paranoid? The fact that **he** had a secret didn't mean that everyone else was close-mouthed as him.

Right?

***

Somebody was screaming… Roxas hoped that he would just shut up, so he's restless sleep could continue. But as the ear-piercing sound didn't end, he opened his eyes and started to recognize the room around him. He looked towards the door and through the blur he saw his father. A flash of fear struck through him and then he realized… he was the one screaming.

He clapped his hand over him mouth and when his fingers reached his face, he felt something wet on his cheeks. He wiped his eyes in a rush and realized that 'his father' in the doorway was actually Leon.

The tall man walked toward Roxas' bed, eyeing the boy's expressions carefully. Roxas' tearful eyes followed his every move almost as afraid that he would turn back into the man he feared. He felt his hands twitch; he panicked as he realized that he couldn't control his body that had frozen.

"Roxas," said Leon in a soothing voice and took final steps to be able to sit on the edge of the bed. At the same time Roxas had obtained the control over his body and exhaled from relief.

"Are you okay?" asked Leon with a concerned voice.

Roxas nodded and added quietly: "I'm sorry."

Leon looked at him – astonished and tongue-tied. He sighed and pulled Roxas into his embrace whispering in a forceful voice: "You have nothing to be sorry for. This isn't your fault. It's even more mine than yours," when Roxas tried to object, he added, "don't argue with me. Now, it's still early so try to get some sleep, OK?"

Leon smiled gently when Roxas nodded and left the room with a caring "Good night."

***

'It's already Wednesday… does it mean, that he should have called already… or not?' thought Roxas in despair. He didn't have experience with this kind of things, so he didn't know what to expect. Should he call when 1-3 days have passed? 4-5 days? A week??? Roxas wasn't sure if he could wait that long. Think about it… to be away from Axel for a week… Roxas shuddered- horrible. He wanted to see him.

Roxas once again dropped his head on his desk. And he made a mental note to stop doing that before it leaves a bruise.

School had still been a pain in the ass. Namine didn't talk to anyone about her secret friend and Hayner and Pence couldn't stop going on about Tidus' party. Sure, he was happy too, that they were invited, but to talk about it the whole day? It was too much for him. He had too many other things to think about… his past, his future, upcoming days with or without Axel…

He was thinking about Axel again… he felt like dropping his head on the table again.

Maybe he should call him himself?

Hah, no way!

He would probably pass out if Axel wouldn't want to meet him, or if he would laugh at him if he realizes that Roxas had been a mess, just because he couldn't bear to be away from him for three days.

'But I can't just sit here and do nothing… Should I secretly look him up?'

And before he could answer himself he was already running out of door, coat unzipped and a blue scarf flapping around his neck.

***

Roxas wasn't sure where he was going, but his body refused to slow down. He really didn't have any idea where his legs were taking him, but for this once he let his heart lead him.

He ran about forty minutes… until he reached the club, where he and Axel first met. He tried to catch his breath as he looked towards the tall edifice. There were about thirty people in front of the building, so something was definitely going in.

He had to get in!

He looked through his wallet- luckily he had enough money for the ticket. So, one problem solved, but the other one was tougher: when he went to this club on Saturday, there were minors (up to 16) allowed, but tonight was an ordinary night… and twenty past nine, so he wasn't old enough to get in.**

But he had to try. He had to see if Axel was there.

Roxas straightened up and, with confidence, blended into the crowd. He made his way up to the front and pressed himself between three chatting guys, who didn't even glance at him, when he suddenly appeared next to them. When the guys laughed, he smiled too and rolled his eyes, as if he knew them. He peeked towards the boys- the two guys, who were in front of him, were tall- one had short blond hair and the other one had black hair… and a weird hairdo; the third guy, who was behind him, had- Roxas eyes widened- long pink hair.

Yes… they were weird… but he had to get in, so he didn't have any other way.

Roxas heartbeat quickened, when the door was just four people away. The blond guy and the brunette stepped next to the ticket-seller and greeted him. So they were regulars… why didn't that surprise Roxas? Then they were already moving forward into the building. Roxas swallowed, he was next.

He tried to look as emotionless when he gave the money, but he felt the man's eyes, as he looked at Roxas'. Roxas knew that he was short… but he was already seventeen! He won't be much taller when he's eighteen either.

"How old are you?" the man asked.

'Shit-shit-shit!'

Roxas frowned and said like it was obvious: "I'm eighteen."

But the ticket-man had done his job for a while, and it looked like he didn't believe him. It wasn't because of Roxas look or his height… it was he's nervousness.

There was an awkward silence between them, as the man looked into his eyes. Just as he was going to ask for identification, the pink-haired guy behind Roxas pulled him into his arms and lowered his chin on the boy's head. "Neo, he's with us, come on, let us in!"

Neo sighed, then smiled and took both Roxas and his' savior's money and let them in, calling after them: "Don' let him get too drunk!"

Roxas first thought was 'I'm in! I'm in! I'm in!' but when he realized the pink-haired boy still hadn't let him go, he muttered: "You can let me go now."

The boy freed Roxas from his arms and smiled: "I'm Marluxia."

Roxas bit his lip, he didn't know if he should trust him or not, but still answered: "I'm Roxas… and… youknow… thanks, I guess,"

Marluxia threw his arm over Roxas shoulders and his smile got even bigger: "You're welcome! Oh, I feel that we're going to be very good friends."

***

_*In Estonia you have to be at least 18 to get your driver's license, so I'm going with that… because it fits the story ____ Well, you can get that puppy-license when your 16, but I don't like those, so let's pretend that they don't exist, okay!_

_**The legal age in Estonia is 18… we can both drink and drive when we reach the age of 18. But of course you mustn't drink and drive simultaneously, duh!_

_Dear readers_

_I feel horrible. My last update was in January and that's a long time ago, so if someone was seriously interested in my story- forgive me for my lack of updates. It's so hard to write when there are so many good shounen-ai and yaoi mangas._

_And in summer I have to take three exams, so I'm a little scared, though I shouldn't be, because I have really good grades…_

_So, I already said that sometimes it's hard for me to write, but I have read this story, just for fun, many times and I must say that the fourth chapter is definitely the worst one, the Sora-Roxas part is horrible and I'm planning to change it. It's so hard to read that part- I'm embarrassed that it's something __**I**__ wrote. So, please forgive me that you had to read it._

_And I know… still no Axel, but I'm pretty sure that he'll be in the next one. And we had the appearance of Marluxia! I'm pretty sure that you guessed the names of the two other guys, too._

_I guess that's it… I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll update as soon as possible._

_Yours very truly_

_Liisu_


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